Raw

13 Nov

I have to talk about something. But I’d really rather not discuss it so publicly. However, the blog is here, and if I don’t discuss the real issues in my life, then I’m not who I claim to be, and I’m not being true to myself. So here goes, I want to get married. Like, yesterday. 🙂 I want to start my life with my favorite person in the world and I’m like a little child impatiently waiting for that starting moment. My little nanny boy, Derek, was waiting for a certain toy to arrive in the mail this week and his parents had originally thought they had ordered two-day shipping, but it turned out that it was ordered with regular shipping and that meant waiting over a full week. Upon receiving this news Derek pouted for the rest of the morning, looking grumpy and dejected as if his world was over, and being the good nanny that I am, I attempted to shake him out of his funk. He then asked me if I ever had to wait for something to come that I wanted really, really badly. I tried to think of some toy that I really wanted when I was younger but nothing was coming to mind, so I told him I’m sure there was something but you need to learn to be patient because it’s just a part of life.

Then yesterday I had yet another Stephanie-induced, intense talk about THE FUTURE with the Scottish, and I realized being patient when you’re an adult isn’t any easier. I might think that waiting to get married is more important than Derek’s toy, but it’s not. It’s all relative and it’s always hard to wait, no matter your age. It’s hard to wait when you decided this was the man you were going to marry way back in August of 2010. (I was camping with my family and it just hit me, he was the person for me, “And the world cracked open.”) And it’s hard to wait when you share a living space together and continually strive to make it feel like your home. (The Scottish moved into the new apartment in August of 2011.) And it’s hard to wait when you’re a wedding-obsessed girly girl who’s been dreaming about this day since she was short, with glasses, and had never been kissed.

It’s so embarrassing to write this all out, but I’m frustrated! I’m 28, I want the normal 2.5 kids, the house, and I’m so lucky to have found the man of my dreams so I can start this journey. The Scottish has been incredibly patient about my occasional impatience, but sometimes I feel like my head will just explode. He and I joke heavily about how I try to rush life, about how I have trouble living in the present, and how I’ll be disappointed because he’ll never be able to propose exactly the way I imagine he will in my crazy head. If therapy were covered in my pathetic excuse for health insurance I’d be there in a second! Do you ever feel like you can ruin things just by being yourself? I do. I know everything works out in the end, and my time will come, and I trust that God has a plan. I also trust that my very shy, doesn’t want to be the center-of-attention but loves me more than anything boyfriend, will work up the courage to propose. But the sheer joy and excitement I feel about the possibility of planning my wedding and marrying the smartest, most caring, loving, sexy, tall, balding, bears-loving, whiskey and beer-drinking, hilarious man I’ve ever met, makes me react like a ten-year old boy.

I can say with confidence, this won’t be the most unappealing thing you’ll read about me. Cheers until then.

Quote: “…then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down… and kissed him. And the world cracked open.” Agnes de Mille

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4 Responses to “Raw”

  1. Kelly November 14, 2011 at 8:40 AM #

    Your day will come. I know that Karl was very shy and ended up proposing at home which I am grateful for because as it turned out I was a mess and cried hysterically! Wish you both the best 🙂

    • Stephanie November 14, 2011 at 1:54 PM #

      awww thanks girl! appreciate it!

  2. Matt November 15, 2011 at 4:21 PM #

    1. When I was a kid, I asked for the Star Wars AT-AT for Christmas, I made sure I was good leading up to the holiday day season. Come Christmas Day, and the last present opened, the AT-AT was not to be found. I am scarred to this day.

    2. I had an exgirlfriend who was super ready to be married … I was only 23-24 … and at that time, all I thought that was cool was sex. Truthbomb.

    3. You’re like a head of the curve, because the Scottish is a cool guy. Lots of girls just date douchebags that treat them like shit.

    • Stephanie November 15, 2011 at 8:50 PM #

      i double like all of these comments. thanks for sharing!

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