V is for Virgin

11 Jan

So, it’s time to talk about virginity. It’s actually a subject I find very interesting and very under-appreciated. I am not a virgin. (It’s ok, my mom already knows this.) But at one point, when I was younger, I did think about waiting until marriage. Alas, I am now 28 years old and technically single, at least that’s the box I have to check when filling out my taxes, and I decided long ago that sexual modesty was not something I felt strongly about. It’s not like I don’t have values, on the contrary, I follow rules to the point of obnoxious, I don’t do drugs (not even in college), I’ve probably been drunk twice in my life, I respect things like tradition, my elders, work ethic, children, and animals. But I lost my virginity a long time ago and I’m OK with that.

But I do know virgins. Do you? I bet you’d be surprised if you found out who was actually a virgin but had to hide it because society says it’s not so popular anymore. In fact I have a friend who says, “It seems that virginity is the only aberrant sexual practice left in society.” People can share that they’ve had a gay/lesbian experience or a threesome and no one blinks an eye, but if you say you’ve never had sex and you’re past the age of 18, people are really shocked! I take that back, in my generation, you can say you’ve had a threesome and no one blinks an eye, but I doubt that is the case in every generation. Within my peer group it seems that sexual liberation and sexual discoveries are more common than not exploring your sexuality at all. The times have changed and we are now at the point where virginity is shocking.

It is shocking. Sex is a pleasurable experience and many people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that someone is able to withstand the temptation. But it doesn’t have to be shocking. It can be normal. Twenty years ago, a child with two dads or two moms was very bizarre and almost frightening, but now it’s just a part of our diverse world. Granted I do live in a big city so perhaps if you go to a different part of the country, gay parents are more shocking than virgins, but you get my point, and also, I’m glad I don’t live somewhere like that.

In my mind there are three reasons people maintain abstinence:
1. religious values
2. personal values
3. sheer lack of opportunity

I respect everyone who has decided that the best choice for them is to wait until marriage, until love, or until the right person. Back in the day, virginity was equated with honor for women. It meant you were pure, clean, and you more desirable to men if you hadn’t been de-flowered. I think there is still honor in it today. Being a virgin until you are married means you are keeping something sacred to share with only one person. It’s a beautiful gift you are giving that person and it may be old-fashioned, it may be abnormal, and it may be slightly rare, but it should be celebrated. Unfortunately, more often than not, it’s cause for celebration if you’ve hit a certain number of sexual partners. I’m not saying having multiple partners is wrong, my point is just that whether you’re 30 and have you’ve had 30 partners or you’re 30 and you’ve had zero partners, it shouldn’t matter. To each their own.

We need to remember that we all have been given our body as a gift. It doesn’t matter if you think your body is a gift from God or from the earth or from a past life, regardless, it’s your gift to take care of for the rest of your life. You get to make the decisions pertaining to your body and no one else’s opinion matters as much as yours.

The next big topic I want to delve into is open relationships. We will take a peek into this unique subject by interviewing a married women who is also in an open relationship. Do not miss it.

Quote: “I know this sounds incredibly lame, but I don’t want losing my virginity to feel like I’m losing something. I want it to feel like I’m finding something. I want sex to be amazing. I want it to be life-altering wonderful. And I want it to be with someone I love.” Sonya Sones

12 Responses to “V is for Virgin”

  1. Shanna hansen January 11, 2012 at 5:08 PM #

    I am the only person i know in my peer group who has 1 sexual partner = my husband and he can say the same. We get weird looks and constantly asked if we are joking or if we have cheated. Makes me proud to be part of a dying tradition that celebrates love.

    • Stephanie January 11, 2012 at 5:27 PM #

      Awww Shanna, that is beautiful. I love it and thanks for sharing!!

  2. a real winner January 11, 2012 at 5:34 PM #

    I haven’t done drugs either, and really wish I had … just to say I did … at least pot.

    Why did I not do this? Because I thought it would affect my future job prospects.


    (college is one of the biggest cons in the world, and I really missed out on fun)

    My friend Ana stayed a virgin til she was married for religious reason. It was one of the mightiest things I’ve ever seen … and would make me really uncomfortable when she would bring up topics like porn. I felt like I was sullying her when I talked about it.

    Speaking of sex, I asking Amber if she’d like to eat my poop … to gross her out over dinner, cause I do shit like that (HA!), and she was like, no I don’t want Hep C. I was like, waitaminnit, don’t you ahve to be infected with hepatitus to transfer it. She was like, nope, it’s fecal -> oral. Therefore, if you’re into tossing the salad and whatnot … things to look out for.

    • a real winner January 11, 2012 at 5:37 PM #

      Oh … and I also didn’t have sex until I got out college, which was REALLY fucking stupid, for fear of unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. I should have known better, as I have advanced degrees in molecular biology.

      C’mon Matt!

      Once again, I blame my piousness for how I act today … insane, and feel that I really missed out not only in highschool, but college as well. My wheelhouse years.

      • Stephanie January 11, 2012 at 5:41 PM #

        You don’t seem like you would be so conservative and cautious but hey good for you, look at your life now, no regrets cause it got you where you are today, right? As always, thanks for comments. 🙂

    • Stephanie January 11, 2012 at 5:40 PM #

      Leave to you for the most colorful comment, haha. Thanks for sharing.

  3. a real winner January 11, 2012 at 5:45 PM #

    Actually, the ages of 19-22 are the years I have the most regrets about, because I inflicted on my own world views on my social circle, and thought I was better than my really good friends at the time, because I wasn’t drinking, or having sex, or doing drugs … and was at a good school, working towards a bright promising future. Turns out I lost those friends, friends that would always stick up for me, and invite me out to do stuff, and all I did was shit on them.

    I will never forgive myself for that.

    • Stephanie January 11, 2012 at 5:49 PM #

      Oh wow. That is intense. You were one of those people? haha. Well I’m sorry it worked out like that but at least you’ve seen the error in your ways? You’re smart.

  4. thebombshelll January 11, 2012 at 7:30 PM #

    My boyfriend and I waited until we were both comfortable. I mean we were both in college and ready. Also we were each other’s first! I don’t think it’s as sacred as everyone leads it to be.

    • Stephanie January 12, 2012 at 12:33 PM #

      For sure! Thanks for sharing.

  5. homophilosophicus January 15, 2012 at 10:13 PM #

    Ha! What a wonderful and honest piece of writing. I really ought to change my username for this – but that would be dishonest. Virginity is one subject which ‘in riper years’ has settled upon me as something of a neurosis (I live in Ireland so I am no stranger to neuroses). I live with two odd (and might I add ‘irrational’ before someone whales on me) regrets; that I did not preserve my own virginity for someone ‘special’ and that no-one saved their virginity for me (my need to feel special). With age they have become more powerful. Yet they are profound regrets nonetheless. In my darker moments – of which there can be many – these regrets reek havoc in my mind and have the strength (or I have the weakness) to enter into my relationship. God only knows why I am sharing this, but there you have it. Thank you.

    • Stephanie January 16, 2012 at 7:19 PM #

      I’m sorry to hear of your regrets but thankful you felt comfortable sharing them. I love hearing other’s stories. Thank you for this!!

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