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Two most important aspects of an intimate relationship are God and Sex

26 Jun

HA! ¬†This blog post has nothing to do with God OR Sex but I got your attention didn’t I? ūüôā ¬†Thanks for reading and my sincere apologies for the long absence. ¬†Truthfully, I think about “Drama Happens” A LOT, and I miss writing about relationships, but blogging about my wedding and actually planning the wedding, at the same time, proves to be quite time-consuming.

But I have something to say about a VERY important relationship in my life.  Probably one of the most important ones EVER.

My Mommy. ¬†ūüôā ¬†(She is the reason behind my title.) ¬†Let me paint the picture: Best Friend and I are sitting on my couch in our family room chatting with my Mother. ¬†My Mother is someone who swears by saying “Oh Sugar!” and “Fish Face!!” ¬†My Mother doesn’t drink alcohol, coffee, OR pop… yes it baffles us all. ¬†My Mother has wanted to be a teacher all her life and my Grandmother jokes that she came out of the womb telling people what to do. ¬†My Mother donates infinite amounts of time and resources to her church and community. ¬†She brings God and forgiveness to inmates at a prison in southern Minnesota and she inspires us all DAILY. ¬†She has her flaws, I mean, no one is perfect, but if you asked me to show the most well-rounded, loving, joyful, respectful, caring, compassionate person I knew it would be my Mother. Hands down.

Back to the couch and my Mother’s most awkward words of wisdom ever! ¬†Best Friend and I are in the middle of male relationship strife no doubt (I honestly can’t remember at this point) and we were asking my Mom about the secret to a happy marriage and she said the two most important parts are God and Sex. CUE EMBARRASSMENT! ¬†Ewww Mom, who says that? ¬†My guess is she barely remembers this convo since it happened years ago and my other guess is that she’s a tiny bit embarrassed that I shared it with you all, but I think she’s right. ¬†She’s one smart Momma.

Despite the random side story, I have no intentions of talking about marriage, Sex, or God (also I don’t know why I keep capitalizing Sex as if it’s super important but regardless I’m just gonna go with it now). ¬†I want to talk about my awesome Mother and the journey I took to realizing her awesomeness.

It all started back when I was little (and adorable or so I’ve heard) and my Mom thought I was an amazing kid.

Age 0-10: I’m cute, I’m talkative, I’m her biggest fan, I’m happy all the time, and I’m fun! ¬†My Mom and I get along swimmingly.

Age 10-18: I’m obnoxious, I’m talkative, I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m going through puberty, I’m a crazy person, I’m mean and say things like “I hate you!” to my Mother. ¬†My Sister and I fight constantly, leaving our little Brother to complement running away from home. ¬†We are awful teenage girls and it’s a wonder we all survived! Ok, I am being a bit dramatic, but at this point in time my relationship with my Mother reaches an all-time low. (Yes, it all started back in 4th grade believe it or not!)

Age 18-22: I’m selfish, I’m talkative, I’m finding my way as a student and an artist. ¬†I’m getting my heart broken and making bad decisions, and I’m making some good decisions. ¬†Most importantly, my Mother and I are reaching a new level of understanding. ¬†I’m excited for her to visit, I’m starting to listen to her advice, I’m becoming more aware of the world around me, and life is good.

Age 22-27: ¬†I’m learning, I’m talkative, I’m trying new and exciting things, and I’m calling my Mom a lot! ¬†I crave her advice and her words that always seem to make it better. ¬†I look forward to every trip home to see family in Minnesota and North Dakota and can’t get enough of just hanging out with them. ¬†My Mother is suddenly the smartest person I know and she’s continually right about everything! ¬†Our relationship is thriving.

Age 28 or Present Day: ¬†My Mother is helping me plan my wedding to the Scottish and it’s one of the best years of my life. ¬†We are in¬†sync, we are inspired, we are happy, we are laughing, we are making smart decisions, and we are enjoying every single minute!

This is a pretty crazy time for my family with TWO weddings planned for 2013. ¬†If you don’t know me in real face-to-face life, or you’ve never visited my wedding blog, Journey to “i do”¬†then this might be news for you, but my little Sister got engaged over Memorial Day weekend and is getting married next June, which is almost exactly 3 months and one week after my wedding. ¬†Sounds stressful doesn’t it? ¬†Not for my Mom. Everyone who comes up to her with condolences about the fact that she must be SO busy or SO tired or SO overwhelmed gets the same response, “Oh I’m thrilled!” she says. ¬†And she means it too. My Mom couldn’t be more excited or happy for us, our weddings, and our future husbands. ¬†She is having the time of her life!

And it’s her positive attitude¬†that has gotten me through some low moments of not wanting to share the year ahead and some sad moments of missing out on things because I can only get back to Minnesota so many times. ¬†The truth is, I’m overjoyed and excited too! ¬†My Sister and I get to plan our weddings¬†simultaneously and it’s a huge blessing that I will cherish forever!

So there you have it, an Ode to my Mother. ¬†The best woman I know, the most patient wedding planner EVER, the drier of tears and the giver of smiles. ¬†Mom, I wouldn’t be where I am today without your love and support. ¬†I’m the luckiest girl alive and we’re gonna have one hell of a year. ¬†Cheers!

Quote: “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. ¬†They have clung to me all my life.” ¬†Abraham Lincoln

You too can be a guy-magnet/When in doubt put on your heels

12 Jun

NOTE: I realize this post is going to sound very heterosexual and specific, but that is only because I am limited to my experiences in FAILING as a guy-magnet, and because at one point I was attempting to attract men, but I’d like to recognize that some women might be looking for another women, and in that case would want to be a chick-magnet which is perfectly OK but not something I have the ability to speak on.

A lot of times I end up writing about people (mostly myself) in relationships, but what if you’re not in a relationship but you’d like to be? ¬†Specifically speaking, how does a woman attract a new guy? ¬†Well, I wouldn’t know. Seriously, I was single more years than I was in a relationship in the past decade since graduating high school, and I consider it a mixture of timing, luck, and fate that led me to the Scottish. ¬†BUT I do have a friend who I consider to be a guy-magnet. ¬†We’ll call her “High Heels” or HH for short. ¬†Cause she is kinda short. ¬†And she can rock a pair of heels all day long! I love this girl and have always found it amazing how she meets great new guys to date while I stayed single. ¬†And it’s not like she dates any random loser that she meets, but instead HH has met mostly great guys and has had a few long, serious relationships. ¬†The fascinating thing is that every time she attempts to be single, she fails. ¬†She’s always meeting someone new! ¬†This is why I’ve deemed her a guy-magnet.

The question then becomes: HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

Well as I’ve been studying her for years, (especially at times when I’ve been single), and I’ve been able to narrow it down to a few key points.

Step ONE: Lose the timeline. ¬†You want to be married by X age? ¬†Forget it. You want kids in X amount of years? ¬†Drop it. ¬†You want a house, a car, a pony, a boat like yesterday? ¬†Stop caring. ¬†Live life simply and day by day. ¬†Throw all specific timelines in the trash. ¬†HH doesn’t have a set schedule to follow in her life, rather she has goals that allow for the perfect amount of wiggle room.

Step TWO: Possess a sense of mystery.

Don’t share everything all at once, or as I like to call it, “word vomit” all over a guy. ¬†Listen, share a little bit, and then listen again. ¬†Don’t dismiss them when they talk even though they might sound stupid. ¬†And don’t be as¬†judgmental¬†as me. ¬†HH is not overly confident or too chatty and she doesn’t share everything all at once.

Step THREE: Talk to all different types of people, not just the only guy you find cute in the room. ¬†If you only talk to the one guy you think is somewhat attractive you’re limiting yourself to one type. ¬†The mediocre guy in the room might be really cute once you get to know them, and if not, they might have cuter friends. ¬†HH gives everyone a chance, she doesn’t spend too much time judging, and she finds the good in everyone.

Step FOUR: Loudly pronounce your goal of being single for a while so the universe can hear you and locate the next man for you to date. ¬†It’s almost as if when HH would say, “I want to be single for a while,” something was triggered in the world that made it untrue in matter of days. ¬†But you have to be a good liar believe it for this one to work.

Step FIVE:  Look pretty.

Being a guy magnet requires some effort in the world of make-up, hair, clothing, and style. ¬†Guys like it when women look like they take care of themselves. ¬†HH takes care of herself, and of course she’s always rocking a pair of sexy heels. ¬†I would like to take this time to point out that I think I’ve been doing Step FIVE since I was 13 years old, but when you don’t pair it with the other steps, you’re not gonna attract as many winners!

Step SIX: Be happy. ¬†For real. ¬†One of the things that attracts people to you the most (in a romantic sense or not) is happiness.¬† I’m not talking about the happiness that comes from a shopping high (although who DOESN’T love those!), but rather happiness in yourself. ¬†One way¬†to achieve this is by living your life in a way that makes you happy, in which you accept and respect yourself, including both the good and the not so good parts. ¬†HH has a natural contentment flowing through her and that is attractive to others.

AND NOW FOR A SPECIAL TREAT!! ¬†After asking HH to revise the steps inspired by her awesomeness, she had some extra advice about what to do once you meet someone new. ¬†I think it makes total sense, so listen well. ¬†ūüôā
HH Says:¬†So someone’s engaged you in conversation…now what? ¬†Relax. ¬†That’s it. ¬†Making a new connection can be very exciting, but that can tend to translate outwardly as desperation, over-eagerness, or¬†nervousness. ¬†Be relaxed and be engaged by transmitting that energy through your eyes and facial expressions only, you can mentally lower your shoulders and you give yourself the head space to really pay attention to the other person. ¬†When you are relaxed, your date will relax as well, and not only will he really appreciate that about you, but you’re much more likely to have a fun conversation. ¬†Ask them follow-up questions it will give you more time to think about what you want to say next, and avoid a lot of impression-ruining faux pas.
He wants to set up a date.¬† WOO. ¬†Go you! ¬†You obviously rock at this. ¬†Now what? ¬†Don’t be 100% available. ¬†Chances are, if you are living a fullfilling life, you have friends and family and plans already made a few days in advance (or weeks in advance if you’re the ever-popular Stephanie, wink wink). ¬†Don’t cancel those plans. ¬†Something I almost always fall back on is to say I’m not available on the day requested (whether it’s true or not), but then offer another day. ¬†This shows that I have a life, that I’m not desperate enough to drop it for a chance to go out with him, but by offering another time, I show that I’m interested. ¬†Guys like a little bit of a chase, and, not gonna, lie, so do I. ¬†A ¬†guy who is available to me 24/7 is not nearly as attractive as one who is available 50% of the time.
Thanks HH! ¬†You rock for helping me write this post, and kudos to you for being the first guest blogger on Drama Happens!! ¬†ūüôā

So ladies, if you are single and looking, take this info and fly away!! ¬†And if this post doesn’t apply to you at all, well then pass it on to someone who will find it helpful. ¬†And if anyone has any other guy-magnet tips, comment here!!

Quote: “I don’t where to find a good guy. ¬†I just think that they’re around and I think you have to be good and at some point you’ll attract that. ¬†I really believe that. ¬†First, people should stop looking. ¬†The looking thing does not work. ¬†Just let love find you.” ¬†Brandy Norwood

I gave relationship advice to my hair stylist

26 May

There is a first for everything!  And this past Wednesday my hair stylist asked for relationship advice after I told her I write a blog about relationships.

Hmm, let’s take a moment to look at my qualifications, shall we?

I am currently IN a relationship.  It is going well, I would even call it a successful relationship.  We are betrothed.

I have been in other relationships.  I have been in 2.5 other relationships that I would deem serious.  I learned many things from these past relationships.

I have casually dated. ¬†I can’t get into how “causal” as my mother reads this blog, but casual nonetheless. ¬†So I’m hip to how dating works these days. ¬†And yes, I use the phrase “I’m hip to” sometimes.

I have lots of friends in relationships, and people tell me things. ¬†I’ve heard many stories in my 28 over the years, and I have remembered them. ¬†As my BFF says, people just like to spill their guts to me. ¬†I like this.

I am a people-person. ¬†I might hate small talk, but I’m a great listener if you want to talk about something real.

I find all different types of relationships interesting and strive to learn more about them, e.g.,  same-sex relationships, open relationships, plural marriage relationships, abusive relationships, opposites-attract relationships, bizarre relationships, indifferent relationships, you get the idea.  I also blog about them.

My instincts are good.  I can tell a good match from 20 miles away.

Let’s look at the reasons why I may not be qualified to give relationship advice:

I am in no way certified to give advice of any kind.

I’ve never even taken the most basic of psychology courses.

My experience with counseling is limited to personal experiences with friends and family.  I am an amateur and no one has ever paid me for  my advice/time.

Based on all of this I have determined that I am qualified enough to give the random Joe or Jane advice if they deem me worthy enough to inquire of it.

Don’t I look trust-worthy?

Here’s how it all went down… This past Wednesday I needed to get a haircut, so I ventured off to some place within walking distance of our apartment. ¬†I found this very eclectic and hipster looking salon and walked in to ask for a trim. ¬†I was paired with a hairstylist, (we’ll call her Jessica) and she gave me a really nice cut!

During our time together, she asked about my life, and I gave her the quick run-down, I’m a nanny, degree in acting, getting married, I’m a blogger, etc. ¬†She asks me, “What do you blog about?” ¬†I say, “Relationships and my wedding.”

She says, “Oh,” and launches into a story about her relationship. She said since I write about this stuff that she felt comfortable telling me. ¬†Wow, cool! ¬†I was flattered. ¬†I did my best to just listen and only gave my thoughts when prompted. ¬†She seemed pretty open and since I’m not revealing her name or her salon, I’ll share a bit of what is going on with her. ¬†Maybe someone reading out there is going through the same thing?

The Relationship Hurdle: ¬†She and her boyfriend live together with another random male roommate. They met as roommates and became close friends, but started dating officially this past September. ¬†They have been talking about moving in together, but every time it’s brought up, he has something negative or self-deprecating¬†to say. ¬†For example, when they were out to dinner and the topic of moving came up, his first reaction was that they needed a game plan in case they were to break up after moving in together. ¬†He also asked her “What if you hurt me?” and told her he didn’t want to go through all that. ¬†He’s also suggested they find a new third roommate and so they can stay in their current place. ¬†Jessica told me she took this personally thinking he doesn’t want to live with just her. ¬†Is this a hint that he’s not as interested in her? ¬†Or is he simply afraid of commitment and getting hurt?

Drama Happens says: ¬†My first question to Jessica was, have you talked to him about all this? ¬†The answer was no. ¬†She just lets the comments slide by and keeps her worries to herself. ¬†I’m convinced NOT communicating is the best way to end any relationship (intimate ones or friendships) and so I told her the first step is to talk to him and get down to the bottom of what he thinks about moving in together. ¬†The good news is they are not under any time crunch because they have a month-to-month lease (those are golden in a big city).

My next response was that she should be cautious. ¬†While my gut is telling me “he’s just not that into her” and doesn’t want to increase their level of commitment, I don’t feel comfortable saying that flat-out after one conversation. ¬†It could be a fear of getting hurt, or those comments could be excuses to avoid taking the next step. ¬†My advice is to talk first, and don’t rush into anything. ¬†He seems unsure of their relationship at this point, and until they are on the same page, I wouldn’t move one single box.

So there you have it, my first advice column so-to-speak.  Who would have thought it would come from a random hairstylist (who is really good at what she does btw)!

Any other questions out there?   Until next time readers!

Quote: “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” ¬†Erica Jong

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