Tag Archives: blogging

I gave relationship advice to my hair stylist

26 May

There is a first for everything!  And this past Wednesday my hair stylist asked for relationship advice after I told her I write a blog about relationships.

Hmm, let’s take a moment to look at my qualifications, shall we?

I am currently IN a relationship.  It is going well, I would even call it a successful relationship.  We are betrothed.

I have been in other relationships.  I have been in 2.5 other relationships that I would deem serious.  I learned many things from these past relationships.

I have casually dated.  I can’t get into how “causal” as my mother reads this blog, but casual nonetheless.  So I’m hip to how dating works these days.  And yes, I use the phrase “I’m hip to” sometimes.

I have lots of friends in relationships, and people tell me things.  I’ve heard many stories in my 28 over the years, and I have remembered them.  As my BFF says, people just like to spill their guts to me.  I like this.

I am a people-person.  I might hate small talk, but I’m a great listener if you want to talk about something real.

I find all different types of relationships interesting and strive to learn more about them, e.g.,  same-sex relationships, open relationships, plural marriage relationships, abusive relationships, opposites-attract relationships, bizarre relationships, indifferent relationships, you get the idea.  I also blog about them.

My instincts are good.  I can tell a good match from 20 miles away.

Let’s look at the reasons why I may not be qualified to give relationship advice:

I am in no way certified to give advice of any kind.

I’ve never even taken the most basic of psychology courses.

My experience with counseling is limited to personal experiences with friends and family.  I am an amateur and no one has ever paid me for  my advice/time.

Based on all of this I have determined that I am qualified enough to give the random Joe or Jane advice if they deem me worthy enough to inquire of it.

Don’t I look trust-worthy?

Here’s how it all went down… This past Wednesday I needed to get a haircut, so I ventured off to some place within walking distance of our apartment.  I found this very eclectic and hipster looking salon and walked in to ask for a trim.  I was paired with a hairstylist, (we’ll call her Jessica) and she gave me a really nice cut!

During our time together, she asked about my life, and I gave her the quick run-down, I’m a nanny, degree in acting, getting married, I’m a blogger, etc.  She asks me, “What do you blog about?”  I say, “Relationships and my wedding.”

She says, “Oh,” and launches into a story about her relationship. She said since I write about this stuff that she felt comfortable telling me.  Wow, cool!  I was flattered.  I did my best to just listen and only gave my thoughts when prompted.  She seemed pretty open and since I’m not revealing her name or her salon, I’ll share a bit of what is going on with her.  Maybe someone reading out there is going through the same thing?

The Relationship Hurdle:  She and her boyfriend live together with another random male roommate. They met as roommates and became close friends, but started dating officially this past September.  They have been talking about moving in together, but every time it’s brought up, he has something negative or self-deprecating to say.  For example, when they were out to dinner and the topic of moving came up, his first reaction was that they needed a game plan in case they were to break up after moving in together.  He also asked her “What if you hurt me?” and told her he didn’t want to go through all that.  He’s also suggested they find a new third roommate and so they can stay in their current place.  Jessica told me she took this personally thinking he doesn’t want to live with just her.  Is this a hint that he’s not as interested in her?  Or is he simply afraid of commitment and getting hurt?

Drama Happens says:  My first question to Jessica was, have you talked to him about all this?  The answer was no.  She just lets the comments slide by and keeps her worries to herself.  I’m convinced NOT communicating is the best way to end any relationship (intimate ones or friendships) and so I told her the first step is to talk to him and get down to the bottom of what he thinks about moving in together.  The good news is they are not under any time crunch because they have a month-to-month lease (those are golden in a big city).

My next response was that she should be cautious.  While my gut is telling me “he’s just not that into her” and doesn’t want to increase their level of commitment, I don’t feel comfortable saying that flat-out after one conversation.  It could be a fear of getting hurt, or those comments could be excuses to avoid taking the next step.  My advice is to talk first, and don’t rush into anything.  He seems unsure of their relationship at this point, and until they are on the same page, I wouldn’t move one single box.

So there you have it, my first advice column so-to-speak.  Who would have thought it would come from a random hairstylist (who is really good at what she does btw)!

Any other questions out there?   Until next time readers!

Quote: “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”  Erica Jong

Bye Bye Bridal Banter

21 Mar

After a LOT of thought, I have decided to go back to the way things were with “Drama Happens” and start a separate wedding blog. It just feels too overwhelming and too restrictive (all at the same time!) to write about my wedding on my Relationship/Life blog. Those interested in the wedding talk aren’t getting enough of the good stuff, and those uninterested in the wedding talk are getting too much. I don’t feel like I can write about one thing and one thing only for the next year and I really don’t want to lose all my regular readers while doing so.

The decision is partly due to the fact that I’m DYING to be a blogger for The Hive, and I really need to prep, revise, document, and photograph every single step of my wedding planning to be considered. I have to start taking a camera everywhere and the names and faces can’t be changed… WHICH MEANS, the identity of the Scottish will be revealed on said wedding blog. Can you feel the excitement? Not really? Me neither, because most people who read this either know the Scottish personally or are Facebook friends with us. HOWEVER, there are some people who follow my blog that I do not know (thank you WordPress) and perhaps they feel some excitement.

For now, I am not sure how public my wedding blog will be. It might be more of a private thing until I figure out where it’s headed, that said, if you just love everything wedding and can’t get enough of the decision-making, the stress, and the details- both large and small, then please shoot me a message on Facebook, email, or reply here and once it’s up and running I will pass on the info. What’s a blog for if not to share?

So while this means I can start blogging about other stuff again, it means the posts will be less frequent and my Wednesday/Sunday schedule will be lost. Because let’s be honest, planning a wedding, working full-time, AND writing for two blogs is a crazy person’s idea.

But never fear! I have great posts in my head waiting to get out! You can look forward to such entries as “Why I prefer Male Doctors Over Females” and of course we have yet to hear from my friend who is an open marriage! I promise that will happen at some point but probably not until end of April/early May.

So thank you friends, for being patient through this time of transition. And cheers to you and your own artistic outlet. If you don’t have one, go find one.
Much love,
Stephanie

Quote: “Success is like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired- you quit when the gorilla is tired.” Robert Strauss

I have a dilemma

29 Feb

I must blog more. I feel strongly that writing is what I need to do right now. I need to buckle down and post more frequently; I need to share more, acquire more readers and get more hits. Blogging makes me happy and it’s my main artistic outlet at the moment so I’ve got to give it all I’ve got! In my head I see these foggy goals and good intentions but I also see NO FREE TIME to blog. I am going to be the busiest I’ve been in looong time due to the planning of my ultra-fabulous wedding. In the 1.5 weeks since I got engaged it’s already become life-consuming, and I don’t mean this in a negative way. I get to plan one wedding and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it, I’m going squeeze every drop of fun out of the bottle and I’m going to smile even when I’m so tired I wanna I die because I get to marry the man of my dreams and this is the most exciting time in my life! Any free time I have goes to planning, car rides with the Scottish have become wedding updates and recaps, and I’ve already pushed my bedtime back an hour (which isn’t so terrible since I went to bed earlier than my grandma anyway).

Lucky for me, I have the bonus stress of planning a wedding in another state and the double bonus stress of marrying a non-US citizen and all the fun paperwork that comes along with that. I have searched the web and there doesn’t seem to be any brides-to-be out there blogging about either topic. I mean, a wedding in Minnesota, in late winter/early spring, are you a lunatic? I know people have done it, I’ve seen the pictures but where’s the juicy inside scoop? I want to know what happened when the snow prevented your cake from making it on time and how you had to serve your guests store-bought cookies after a frantic trip to the grocery store, or how your MOH slipped on ice and ended up in the hospital for a fractured ankle but the photographer followed you all there to get some beautiful pics anyway. And hello, I know I am not the only person marrying a foreigner but why isn’t anyone blogging (bitching) about all the stupid rules and steps you have to follow, and do they really quiz your family to see if you’re in love? I need to know these things! But most of all, I want to laugh.

When all of this gets so overwhelming that I can barely afford to get to Minnesota let alone pay for the caterer or the DJ, I want to be able to laugh. Or I want to cry, either one works. I know I have trouble going with the flow sometimes, but I never have trouble laughing. So that’s my plan. Plan, laugh, mistake, laugh, hiccup, laugh, fail, laugh (and then cry)… you get the idea.

And since I can’t find any blogs with topics that fit my fancy, I will just have to write about them myself. I will make myself laugh and it will be sort of weird but I will do it.

Do you see my dilemma in all of this? It’s hard to believe but not everyone wants to read about weddings all the time. *GASP* I’m already making the conscious effort to not be a one-note Nancy and only discuss wedding things with friends in person, but while it might seem excessive, this is the place where I should be able to let it all out. On the other hand, I hate to lose readers and I hate to write with such tunnel vision, but it’s only one year of my life and then I promise to talk about normal stuff again. Until I have kids. Haha, just kidding! Kind of.

I still want this to be a relationship-focused blog, it’s just going to be about one relationship in particular most of the time, but within that, I can examine my relationships with my mother, sister, friends, father, brother, future mother and father-in-laws, my relationship with myself, and more!

I’m also going to submit my blog to the wedding website known as Weddingbee in hopes of being chosen to have my posts featured on their website to reach thousands of women. But to do that I need to write solely about my wedding and write more frequently. And when the next Midwestern bride marrying a gentleman from the UK searches the web for insight, she’ll find me, and hopefully she’ll laugh. 🙂

Quote: From a bridal magazine, reminding brides to not over-tax their maids: “Are you planning a wedding or running a sweatshop?” It made me laugh.

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