Tag Archives: boys

Here’s hoping my babies come out with a Scottish accent

9 May

This is a relationship blog and there is a relationship I have yet to discuss on here that I’d like to talk about. I would like to discuss my feelings about children, specifically my own. Please do not freak out, no one is pregnant. Well no one is pregnant who is writing this blog. But someone (me) is planning a wedding and starting to nest, and feeling excited about the notion of having little ones in her future. When I look lovingly into the Scottish’s eyes and tell him I want to have his babies, the fear in the room is almost palpable. He gazes back at me and in an unsteady voice, says, “Not for a long time hunny.” OH NO. IT’S LIKE THE PROPOSAL ALL OVER AGAIN. This wonderful man I’m going to marry moves slower than any human being I know. He doesn’t do anything quick or rash, all moves must be calculated and planned years and years in advance. Meanwhile my biological clock ticking and the noise is really starting to bug me. My clock sort of revved up after getting engaged and while it starts off trying to be nice, it usually ends up yelling at me. My clock: “Umm excuse me, umm, your body was made to procreate, and umm, well, all of us here in this pale vessel would like to say, GIVE US SOMETHING TO NURTURE *GOD DAMNIT!” Of course it’s fitting that my biological clock is overly dramatic like myself.

 

 

I’ve decided the best way to explain my feelings on having children would be to fill out the Who, What, Where, Why, When and How Many of it all. Sort of like an English paper outline. Enjoy!

So, WHO? Well, if possible I’d like to have a Scottish-American kid, with an ideal mix being 60% Scottish and 40% American, because those Scots just eat whatever they want and don’t worry about a thing, plus they are the most laid-back culture I’ve ever been around! As long as the kiddos get some of my passion, drive, and at least one artistic quality, we’ll be all set. If for some reason I need to adopt (ps I think adoption is awesome) then I think an African-American boy and an Asian girl would be adorable.

WHAT? Human children please.

WHERE? This is a great question. I would like to have my kids live in Chicago because it’s kind of my favorite city of all time, but I would also like to be near my family when I raise my kids. So either Chicago or Minnesota… at this point I’m not sure the Scottish could fathom moving to an even colder climate, but the lure of free babysitting has to hold some weight, right? Ultimately, I will have my kids in the Midwest. Ain’t no better place for kid-raising the way I see it.

WHY? This is an even better question. Besides just the biological clock, I most simply want a family of my very own to dream, love, and grow with. I love my family, immediate, extended, and honorary, and I want to create my own little unit with new special traditions and memories. I want to put more awesome people in the world. People who will respect the earth and their fellow human beings, people who will not discriminate based on sexuality or race or physical condition, and people who add to the quality of life for those around them. So, you know, just to have a little mini-me walking around… just kidding, I’d kill her.

WHEN? Let’s just say if I found out I was preggers by our first anniversary in March 2014, I would not be upset! Although, I have to say, it’d be nice to have more than a year to worry about Number One (me), and as a nanny I get an insight into the raising of kids and since it really is life-changing there is no need to rush. On the other hand, I’m super excited and not sure how long I’ll be able to wait! I’m hoping the Scottish isn’t having a heart attack on the train right now as he reads this on his way home. His ideal is like years from now after we have a house and enough money saved up to send them all to Harvard. AS IF!

HOW MANY? I say 2-3 and the Scottish says 1-2. But I want to have two girls (sisterly love is the best and the worst all at the same time) and I also want to have a little boy, so three kids would be nice. But a family of four sits together so well on theme park rides and airplanes, plus one more kid = one more flight to Scotland, and we know those trips are gonna add up!! But on the other hand, I come from a family of three, and so does my mom

Two things I know for sure, I don’t want to have an only child, and I don’t want to have three boys. If we have two boys and start trying for a third, I’ll probably spend our life savings flying around the globe looking for the best method to ensure our next kid is a female. Cause at that point I’ll be the desperate mother of two boys and I’ll most likely already have a reputation of being crazy.

Overall, I will consider us blessed no matter what the gender, number, or Scottish-American mix our children have, but frankly that doesn’t make for a very fun blog post.  For the ladies out there, when did your clock start ticking?!?!?!  Or maybe it hasn’t, that’s OK too!!

* I do not take the Lord’s name in vain when speaking but I take a lot of liberties when writing and it just sounded better to say GOD DAMNIT than GOSH DAMNIT. Luckily for me, God has a sense of humor.

Quote: “There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.” Walt Streightiff

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Male? Yes please.

25 Mar

Am I the only female who PREFERS male doctors to female doctors? Because if so, the rest of you ladies are missing out, in my humble opinion. You see, going to a dude is way better. This applies to not only your gynecologist, but also your dentist, and even stretches to encompass your massage therapist. While I’m a HUGE fan of women in so many other professions (CEO’s, Pastors, grocery store clerks, lawyers, nail salon technicians) and while I prefer them as friends (sorry boys, some of you don’t get me!), I will always choose a male doctor over a female and I’ll tell ya why.

DISCLAIMER: Before anyone tells me how WONDERFUL their female doctor is please let me say this: Below you will find a humorous blog post. This is funny, (you can laugh,) and you don’t have to be offended because while I make a large sweeping generalization here, I too know great female doctors! I also know great female massage therapists, physical therapists, etc. So if you feel something different, no sweat off my blog’s brow.

photo courtesy of istockphoto.com

1. Male doctors are considerably more gentle and kind. I feel like women go harder on other women because heck, they GET IT, they are probably dealing with similar issues, and they don’t take pity on you but instead tell you to buck up. When your stomach is covered in unexplained hives (last year was bad for me), all you want is a little compassion! A guy, he just nods, listens, and at least outwardly appears to care.

2. Guys know how to make me laugh. Maybe it’s their voice or their jokes, but when I giggle I feel more at ease, and I just find a man’s relaxing and jovial presence just what I need while sitting on a cold sterile table surrounded in bad lighting. Case in point, the female doctor I have right now has YET to make me laugh or even crack a real smile- it’s been over 2 years.

3. If a male is doing your pesky one-time-a-year-ladies-exam, they are usually required to have another women in the room. This woman will hold your hand and distract you with friendly banter. This is especially great when it’s your FIRST TIME. (True story: Stephanie getting her first women parts exam circa 2002, male doctor, he still works with her family today, great guy)

4. As the patient, you get to do most of the talking. Do I even need to explain this? Women talk…. a lot. Guys are used to this. Long time ago, I had this physical therapist lady who kept cutting me off to explain stupid nonrelevant things and rushed me to get to the point, “Umm, everything I’m saying is leading up to my point, and aren’t I paying you to listen?”

5. Women are great at nagging aren’t they? I feel like every time I get a massage by a woman, (and I usually only get 2-3 a year and most of those come in the form of gifts mind you) but every time I see a woman she gives me a huge guilt trip about not coming often enough, explains how tense I am, and makes me feel bad that I’m not paying for the hour-long massages because that’s what my tense and broken body needs. (WELL, for one thing lady, my massage might be a bit more relaxing without all the nagging!!) But just last week I had a male massage therapist who was awesome, and there was no nagging, no guilt trip, and a fair amount of giggling. I might have a slight crush now. It’s ok, the Scottish doesn’t mind. 🙂

Quote: “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” Attributed to both Marion Smith and Nicole Hollander

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