Tag Archives: men

You too can be a guy-magnet/When in doubt put on your heels

12 Jun

NOTE: I realize this post is going to sound very heterosexual and specific, but that is only because I am limited to my experiences in FAILING as a guy-magnet, and because at one point I was attempting to attract men, but I’d like to recognize that some women might be looking for another women, and in that case would want to be a chick-magnet which is perfectly OK but not something I have the ability to speak on.

A lot of times I end up writing about people (mostly myself) in relationships, but what if you’re not in a relationship but you’d like to be?  Specifically speaking, how does a woman attract a new guy?  Well, I wouldn’t know. Seriously, I was single more years than I was in a relationship in the past decade since graduating high school, and I consider it a mixture of timing, luck, and fate that led me to the Scottish.  BUT I do have a friend who I consider to be a guy-magnet.  We’ll call her “High Heels” or HH for short.  Cause she is kinda short.  And she can rock a pair of heels all day long! I love this girl and have always found it amazing how she meets great new guys to date while I stayed single.  And it’s not like she dates any random loser that she meets, but instead HH has met mostly great guys and has had a few long, serious relationships.  The fascinating thing is that every time she attempts to be single, she fails.  She’s always meeting someone new!  This is why I’ve deemed her a guy-magnet.

The question then becomes: HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

Well as I’ve been studying her for years, (especially at times when I’ve been single), and I’ve been able to narrow it down to a few key points.

Step ONE: Lose the timeline.  You want to be married by X age?  Forget it. You want kids in X amount of years?  Drop it.  You want a house, a car, a pony, a boat like yesterday?  Stop caring.  Live life simply and day by day.  Throw all specific timelines in the trash.  HH doesn’t have a set schedule to follow in her life, rather she has goals that allow for the perfect amount of wiggle room.

Step TWO: Possess a sense of mystery.

Don’t share everything all at once, or as I like to call it, “word vomit” all over a guy.  Listen, share a little bit, and then listen again.  Don’t dismiss them when they talk even though they might sound stupid.  And don’t be as judgmental as me.  HH is not overly confident or too chatty and she doesn’t share everything all at once.

Step THREE: Talk to all different types of people, not just the only guy you find cute in the room.  If you only talk to the one guy you think is somewhat attractive you’re limiting yourself to one type.  The mediocre guy in the room might be really cute once you get to know them, and if not, they might have cuter friends.  HH gives everyone a chance, she doesn’t spend too much time judging, and she finds the good in everyone.

Step FOUR: Loudly pronounce your goal of being single for a while so the universe can hear you and locate the next man for you to date.  It’s almost as if when HH would say, “I want to be single for a while,” something was triggered in the world that made it untrue in matter of days.  But you have to be a good liar believe it for this one to work.

Step FIVE:  Look pretty.

Being a guy magnet requires some effort in the world of make-up, hair, clothing, and style.  Guys like it when women look like they take care of themselves.  HH takes care of herself, and of course she’s always rocking a pair of sexy heels.  I would like to take this time to point out that I think I’ve been doing Step FIVE since I was 13 years old, but when you don’t pair it with the other steps, you’re not gonna attract as many winners!

Step SIX: Be happy.  For real.  One of the things that attracts people to you the most (in a romantic sense or not) is happiness.  I’m not talking about the happiness that comes from a shopping high (although who DOESN’T love those!), but rather happiness in yourself.  One way to achieve this is by living your life in a way that makes you happy, in which you accept and respect yourself, including both the good and the not so good parts.  HH has a natural contentment flowing through her and that is attractive to others.

AND NOW FOR A SPECIAL TREAT!!  After asking HH to revise the steps inspired by her awesomeness, she had some extra advice about what to do once you meet someone new.  I think it makes total sense, so listen well.  🙂
HH Says: So someone’s engaged you in conversation…now what?  Relax.  That’s it.  Making a new connection can be very exciting, but that can tend to translate outwardly as desperation, over-eagerness, or nervousness.  Be relaxed and be engaged by transmitting that energy through your eyes and facial expressions only, you can mentally lower your shoulders and you give yourself the head space to really pay attention to the other person.  When you are relaxed, your date will relax as well, and not only will he really appreciate that about you, but you’re much more likely to have a fun conversation.  Ask them follow-up questions it will give you more time to think about what you want to say next, and avoid a lot of impression-ruining faux pas.
He wants to set up a date.  WOO.  Go you!  You obviously rock at this.  Now what?  Don’t be 100% available.  Chances are, if you are living a fullfilling life, you have friends and family and plans already made a few days in advance (or weeks in advance if you’re the ever-popular Stephanie, wink wink).  Don’t cancel those plans.  Something I almost always fall back on is to say I’m not available on the day requested (whether it’s true or not), but then offer another day.  This shows that I have a life, that I’m not desperate enough to drop it for a chance to go out with him, but by offering another time, I show that I’m interested.  Guys like a little bit of a chase, and, not gonna, lie, so do I.  A  guy who is available to me 24/7 is not nearly as attractive as one who is available 50% of the time.
Thanks HH!  You rock for helping me write this post, and kudos to you for being the first guest blogger on Drama Happens!!  🙂

So ladies, if you are single and looking, take this info and fly away!!  And if this post doesn’t apply to you at all, well then pass it on to someone who will find it helpful.  And if anyone has any other guy-magnet tips, comment here!!

Quote: “I don’t where to find a good guy.  I just think that they’re around and I think you have to be good and at some point you’ll attract that.  I really believe that.  First, people should stop looking.  The looking thing does not work.  Just let love find you.”  Brandy Norwood

Are you in a bi-facial relationship?

3 Jun

No that is not a typo, I would like to discuss bi-FACIAL relationships, not bi-RACIAL relationships.  I have nothing against bi-racial relationships, the topic of facial relationships is altogether much more amusing.  I did not coin this phrase, nor do I know how long it’s been around.  I first heard it on the radio while listening to my favorite Chicago morning radio-show hosts, Eric and Kathy on The Mix.  They introduced the idea of a bi-facial relationship to me explaining that it’s what you label a couple in which one person’s face is MUCH more attractive than the other person’s face.  Say you have a woman who is a 10, and her partner is a 3, that would be considered bi-facial.  But a couple who are both 6’s would be considered to be of the same attractiveness and therefore wouldn’t warrant any funny label.

The radio-show hosts were asking people to call in who thought they were part of a bi-facial relationship.  They specifically asked for the person with the HIGHER number to call in, and every single caller that I heard while listening was a woman!  Frankly, I’m not so shocked.  Women as a gender are considerably more attractive in my humble opinion.  I see more women in ads trying to sell things, and I can recognize that the curves and shape of a woman is sometimes more pleasing than that of a man.  Personally, I can usually find something attractive about every woman I see, but on the other hand, I’m really picky about the men I find attractive and tend to judge them more harshly.

I can totally picture a really hot woman with a mediocre man, but don’t really like to picture it the other way around!  I blame society (cause why not)!  Aren’t women expected to be more attractive? Do we secretly like it that way?  I have no answers, only questions.  While this whole idea makes me laugh, I know there is nothing funny about body image issues and I KNOW that we all have them.  We all act as our own worst critic, and that can be downright exhausting.

Back to the fun stuff… are you curious to know how more about my personal facial relationship?  Oh good, me too!  First off let me say I think the Scottish is dreamy.  He has an adorable face, and I would NOT consider us to be part of the bi-facial crowd, but I am a tad biased of course.  After hearing the radio show I did ask the Scottish to rate my face (asking for disaster I know!) and he gave me a 8.5, which I agree with for the most part!  (Please refrain from commenting, I’m a fragile artist type.)  The Scottish gave himself a mid-range number and I raised it to a 7 because well, he’s way sexier than he gives himself credit for!  We are comfortable with this arrangement and consider both of our faces to be just right for us.  🙂

WARNING:  Do not try this at home!  Do not ask your significant other how they would rate the attractiveness of your face if you don’t want to hear the answer! Things could get ugly (hehe).  The Scottish and I have a very candid and open relationship.  We discuss a lot of things lightly and with humor so for us this was FUNNY.  Do not compare your faces if you don’t think it will be FUNNY, or if you think you will have the lower number.  Duh.

The other fascinating thing about the radio conversation with all the women callers was that their men’s ratings when down the longer they sat on hold.  Multiple women said, I was gonna give him a 4, but I just decided he’s a 3.  What??  Either they were being nice with the first number or they wanted to widen the gap to add some drama, either way it was hilarious.  One woman said she was 8 and I believe she gave her husband a 2.5.  When asked why so low, she said, “Well his obesity has a lot to do with it.”  Umm, yea, you think?

So I was looking for an example of a bi-facial relationship on the good ol’ internet.  Let me just say that you should never under any circumstances type in the words ugly man into a search engine. It is not pleasant!! I’m still sort of gagging.  But we need an example!

Here is a picture of a famous couple, or at least I think they are famous (I don’t follow celebs besides the Kardashians and the families on TLC).   Do you see the bi-facialness?

photo found at Unfinished Man

Quote: “One must love humanity in order to reach out into the unique essence of each individual: no one can be too low or too ugly.” Georg Buchner

Sharing a bed with someone makes crying yourself to sleep nearly impossible

15 Feb

And I found this out the hard way on Monday night. I was watching the new show Smash, and if you are unfamiliar with this new drama, the short version is that it’s a show about show business. It’s a behind the scenes look at the producing, writing, auditioning, and directing of a Broadway musical. Can you say, “hits too close to home?” I mean, I really can’t pretend to relate to New York actresses who sing and dance and audition for high-profile productions about Marilyn Monroe, BUT I have felt those same feelings and I can only imagine how much harder it is to be a starving artist in NY. The blonde girl in the show has been back-up dancing in a musical for nearly a decade and is really talented but tries too hard, and the skinny brunette girl (Katharine McPhee) waits tables, has a very supportive boyfriend, and loads of talent but not enough drive or fierceness to land a big role. I relate to both of them, I try too hard AND I’m sort of the meek quiet girl when it comes to auditioning. Coupled with my hiatus from the stage and these intense feelings rushing back, I just needed a good theatrical cry.

The Scottish, and I’ll say men in general, do NOT enjoy it when women cry. They feel the need to “fix” it and they try to make suggestions and encourage you to try harder when all you want is them to say is, “It’s going to be OK.” That’s all that’s needed. But the Scottish in particular feels bad and doesn’t want me to be upset, and so I’m forced to get it together and end a good cry too early. It’s a real shame. Back in my single days I would be able to have a good meltdown by myself whenever I needed it. Sometimes I’d have two before bedtime. I am an equal-opportunity cry-er, I will cry about anything, about missing home and family, about being single and alone, about not getting the part I wanted, and most recently about back pain. And the best part (for me) is turning off all the lights, laying on my side, and letting the tears roll down my face. I imagine how cool this would look in a movie and for a moment I forget whatever it is I’m depressed about. Soon I remember why it is my life sucks in the first place, and then I yell at myself because I’m so lame I’m not even crying over real problems, and then I cry because I don’t like it when I’m forced to yell at myself. Finally, I fall asleep and then wake up the next morning refreshed and ready to tackle my “problem.” Suffice it to say, crying is a nice emotional release for me and it usually puts me in a way better mood.

But with the Scottish laying right next to me, I am feeling self-conscious and downright stupid. I know I have to quit the water works fast because he’s a light sleeper and I can’t very well be making sobbing noises when he has to get up for work the next day. Plus if he puts his arm around me he’s going to feel my shaking and that could be equally distracting. And then of course he’ll be worrying! He won’t be able to fall asleep knowing I’m so upset. I’ve tried in vain to explain to him that I’m not really that upset; I just enjoy a good cry everyday now and then.

BUT NO. I am forced to stifle my sniffles, blow my nose, and tell him that I’m OK so we can both get some sleep. Ahhhhh, sometimes I look back fondly on those dramatic nights, but when I really think about it, I have to say I prefer having someone laying next to me who cares enough to try and “fix” it. And there’s always the bathroom floor. 🙂

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day! The Scottish bought me roses, a lovely card, and we had a wonderful dinner at this super cute wine bar in Wicker Park!

Quote: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Bible Psalms 30:5

Great Men-Spectations

22 Jan

The Scottish and I had a fight this morning. It was a normal fight. I feel this way, he feels that way, we both end up feeling hurt. But in the end, we always make it through. In my opinion, during a real fight (as opposed to a silly or kinda fight) there are two big moments. The first moment is one of disbelief. How can the person I love more than anyone in the world make me feel so terrible? How can they not understand how I feel? How can they think I meant to hurt them that way? It’s that moment of confusion and disbelief that causes the anguish and stress. We want our other half to understand us completely all the time, we want them to anticipate our every need, and we want them to never disappoint us. But no one can be perfect 100 percent of the time and mistakes happen. The real relationship test is how you deal with them.

I don’t deal well. I enjoy playing the “victim”, I like drama, and it’s imperative that I get my way… along the time. You might be judging me right now but the truth of the matter is we all have our issues and I’m just embarrassingly honest about mine. The Scottish has his hang-ups too, but I don’t need to get into those, after all, this isn’t his blog. But needless to say, we were very upset with each other this morning and I felt that moment of disbelief in a strong way. He just didn’t get it.

But he does get it. He knows me really well at this point and after a taking a moment to calm down and step back from the situation, we had the moment of clarity. You know that point in a fight where you see through your angry haze and you remember how great they are and how wrong you were or how much it doesn’t matter what happened in the first place. You can feel the clarity in their embrace and you can see the calmness in their eyes. It’s the downhill slope of the fight that brings you back to earth and back to reality.

And then the strangest thing happens, you both go back to normal life. To me, that is the funniest thing about long-term committed loving relationships, life goes in spite of the fight and the things you had to do that day still need to happen, so you just jump back in.

The Scottish is by far my favorite person to fight with too. Is that weird? He always looks so adorable when he’s annoyed with me that it makes me want to giggle, but men don’t really like being giggled at when they’re “in serious mode.” So I don’t. I keep my thoughts of how cute he looks to myself and keep communicating my ass off, until that moment of clarity comes and the fight dissolves.

I know every couple is different, some people disagree less often than others, and some people set up HIGH expectations that can cause the occasional disgruntled discussion. I don’t mind the fights, really I don’t. Fighting means we are communicating, it means we working on our balance and we are changing for the better. I look forward to many more fights with my amazing boyfriend.

Quote: “People seem to fight about things very unsuitable for fighting. They make a frightful noise in support of very quiet things. They knock each other about in the name of very fragile things.” G.K. Chesterton

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