Tag Archives: virginity

V is for Virgin

11 Jan

So, it’s time to talk about virginity. It’s actually a subject I find very interesting and very under-appreciated. I am not a virgin. (It’s ok, my mom already knows this.) But at one point, when I was younger, I did think about waiting until marriage. Alas, I am now 28 years old and technically single, at least that’s the box I have to check when filling out my taxes, and I decided long ago that sexual modesty was not something I felt strongly about. It’s not like I don’t have values, on the contrary, I follow rules to the point of obnoxious, I don’t do drugs (not even in college), I’ve probably been drunk twice in my life, I respect things like tradition, my elders, work ethic, children, and animals. But I lost my virginity a long time ago and I’m OK with that.

But I do know virgins. Do you? I bet you’d be surprised if you found out who was actually a virgin but had to hide it because society says it’s not so popular anymore. In fact I have a friend who says, “It seems that virginity is the only aberrant sexual practice left in society.” People can share that they’ve had a gay/lesbian experience or a threesome and no one blinks an eye, but if you say you’ve never had sex and you’re past the age of 18, people are really shocked! I take that back, in my generation, you can say you’ve had a threesome and no one blinks an eye, but I doubt that is the case in every generation. Within my peer group it seems that sexual liberation and sexual discoveries are more common than not exploring your sexuality at all. The times have changed and we are now at the point where virginity is shocking.

It is shocking. Sex is a pleasurable experience and many people can’t wrap their heads around the fact that someone is able to withstand the temptation. But it doesn’t have to be shocking. It can be normal. Twenty years ago, a child with two dads or two moms was very bizarre and almost frightening, but now it’s just a part of our diverse world. Granted I do live in a big city so perhaps if you go to a different part of the country, gay parents are more shocking than virgins, but you get my point, and also, I’m glad I don’t live somewhere like that.

In my mind there are three reasons people maintain abstinence:
1. religious values
2. personal values
3. sheer lack of opportunity

I respect everyone who has decided that the best choice for them is to wait until marriage, until love, or until the right person. Back in the day, virginity was equated with honor for women. It meant you were pure, clean, and you more desirable to men if you hadn’t been de-flowered. I think there is still honor in it today. Being a virgin until you are married means you are keeping something sacred to share with only one person. It’s a beautiful gift you are giving that person and it may be old-fashioned, it may be abnormal, and it may be slightly rare, but it should be celebrated. Unfortunately, more often than not, it’s cause for celebration if you’ve hit a certain number of sexual partners. I’m not saying having multiple partners is wrong, my point is just that whether you’re 30 and have you’ve had 30 partners or you’re 30 and you’ve had zero partners, it shouldn’t matter. To each their own.

We need to remember that we all have been given our body as a gift. It doesn’t matter if you think your body is a gift from God or from the earth or from a past life, regardless, it’s your gift to take care of for the rest of your life. You get to make the decisions pertaining to your body and no one else’s opinion matters as much as yours.

The next big topic I want to delve into is open relationships. We will take a peek into this unique subject by interviewing a married women who is also in an open relationship. Do not miss it.

Quote: “I know this sounds incredibly lame, but I don’t want losing my virginity to feel like I’m losing something. I want it to feel like I’m finding something. I want sex to be amazing. I want it to be life-altering wonderful. And I want it to be with someone I love.” Sonya Sones


End of Year Check-in 2011

21 Dec

Hallelujah! This year is almost over. Can I get an amen?? A-MEN. Why am I so pumped you ask? Well, to begin with I sort of despise odd numbers in general. I like things organized and calm, and odd-numbered years cause me unneeded angst. Then there was the whole back surgery of March 2011 and the subsequent bills, debt, and harassing money issues that followed me through the summer, so, I would say I am ready for 2012 for many reasons. Plus, I already have so many exciting things set in motion for 2012. I can’t wait to start a new part-time job doing transcription work with a theatre company here in Chicago in January. I’m going to go to New York City to visit some amazing friends in February, I’m standing up as MOH in my friend’s fabulous April wedding, and once August 2012 hits, I can officially make my condo an income property and move in with my man… ring pending.

But this year wasn’t all bad, and I would say I have matured a lot in the past 12 months. This is my recap and check-in with myself (and with you):

Pain/back surgery started my year off and it was unlike anything else I’d ever experienced.
Quitting a show (due to pain/back surgery) for the first time brought me to a new depth of sadness I hadn’t known and some apathy for how I look at my art.
Traveling to the United Kingdom with my family was magical. Despite the fact that all five of us were stuck in a tiny room together we had an amazing time sight-seeing through England with my sister as our guide. And watching my parents meet my boyfriend’s parents in Scotland was a blessing and a memory I’ll never forget.
Fighting insurance company and hospitals over bills was soul-killing and the ugliest thing I’ve had to do in my life thus far.
The Scottish finding an apartment for “us” made me so happy and gave me a glimpse into my future.
Spending Labor Day weekend in North Dakota with my grandparents for their 75th and 80th birthdays filled me with joy and gratefulness at the family they’ve created.
Random ailments like a weird stress rash and pink-eye made life frustrating and humbling.
Celebrating four years with my nanny family reminded me how much life can change in a short time, and how the important people are always there for you.
Hosting my first Thanksgiving with the Scottish and friends made me feel all-grown up and ready for my own family.
And Christmas, well Christmas hasn’t come yet, and I don’t know how it will go except that visiting my old stomping grounds, my lovely family and fabulous friends means I’ll have a fantastic week.

That said, this is my last blog post of 2011. I’m taking a week and a half off to relax and enjoy the holidays. I figured my boss gave me a week off, so my other boss (being me) should follow in kind. I aim to begin posting again on Sunday the 1st!

Blog ideas you can look forward to coming in 2012:
I’m discussing joining Weight Watchers, and so far people are encouraging. But I’m still waiting to hear the phrase, “What? You don’t need to go on Weight Watchers!”
Virginity. How does society views virgins and waiting for marriage, mixed with what I deem positive things that come from waiting.* Should be pretty dope. As in cool, not referencing the drug.

*As always, my goal surrounding discussions of heavy topics is to help people understand them a little more, even if that lifestyle or choice is not for you, at least you can find something to appreciate in it. Less judgement, more compassion. I’ve either found my new motto, or my first book title… not sure yet.

Join me in the New Year and Happy Holidays readers!!! as they sign off in the UK:

Quote: “Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” Hal Borland

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