DRAMA HAPPENS HAS MOVED!

5 Jun

If you are stumbling upon this blog, first off, Hi!!  And secondly, please click on the link below to be taken to my current and frequently updated blog, the new and improved, Drama Happens. I’d be much obliged.

Drama Happens: exploring relationships equally

Ok thanks bye!

love,
Stephanie

Kit Kats

1 Aug

It’s break time people.  I’m sorry to say it but “gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.”  No really, I enjoy a good Kit Kat.  :)

As sad as it is, I need to take a hiatus from “Drama Happens.”  Cue the sad music and/or everyone chanting in unison, “Haven’t you basically already left us?!?”  I’m truly sorry for being so MIA recently.  Blogging is a fast-paced, unique style of writing and I don’t feel that I can do justice to this blog by only posting once in a while.  I want to come back to it when I can commit more of my time and energy to my ridiculous stories and examination of relationships.  Even though I’ve been busy, I still think about all of my awesome readers fondly and I’m so thankful for those of you faithful followers.  My stats tell me new awesome people find this blog daily, because as it turns out I’m not alone in my daily fear of looking so fat in pictures.

Meanwhile I’m still going to be blogging, but I’ll also be learning!  I can’t wait to revamp and jazz up “Drama Happens” when the time comes to start again.  I hope to delve deeper into some of life’s most important relationship questions.

I’m humbled and excited by the open doors in my life and I’m attempting to count my blessings daily.

Thank you all for your “likes,” your support, your comments, and your words of wisdom!  Cheers to your path, wherever it may lead you!

And as always, I leave you with a,

Quote: “Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers.  The mind can never break off from the journey.”  -Pat Conroy

Two most important aspects of an intimate relationship are God and Sex

26 Jun

HA!  This blog post has nothing to do with God OR Sex but I got your attention didn’t I?🙂  Thanks for reading and my sincere apologies for the long absence.  Truthfully, I think about “Drama Happens” A LOT, and I miss writing about relationships, but blogging about my wedding and actually planning the wedding, at the same time, proves to be quite time-consuming.

But I have something to say about a VERY important relationship in my life.  Probably one of the most important ones EVER.

My Mommy.  :)  (She is the reason behind my title.)  Let me paint the picture: Best Friend and I are sitting on my couch in our family room chatting with my Mother.  My Mother is someone who swears by saying “Oh Sugar!” and “Fish Face!!”  My Mother doesn’t drink alcohol, coffee, OR pop… yes it baffles us all.  My Mother has wanted to be a teacher all her life and my Grandmother jokes that she came out of the womb telling people what to do.  My Mother donates infinite amounts of time and resources to her church and community.  She brings God and forgiveness to inmates at a prison in southern Minnesota and she inspires us all DAILY.  She has her flaws, I mean, no one is perfect, but if you asked me to show the most well-rounded, loving, joyful, respectful, caring, compassionate person I knew it would be my Mother. Hands down.

Back to the couch and my Mother’s most awkward words of wisdom ever!  Best Friend and I are in the middle of male relationship strife no doubt (I honestly can’t remember at this point) and we were asking my Mom about the secret to a happy marriage and she said the two most important parts are God and Sex. CUE EMBARRASSMENT!  Ewww Mom, who says that?  My guess is she barely remembers this convo since it happened years ago and my other guess is that she’s a tiny bit embarrassed that I shared it with you all, but I think she’s right.  She’s one smart Momma.

Despite the random side story, I have no intentions of talking about marriage, Sex, or God (also I don’t know why I keep capitalizing Sex as if it’s super important but regardless I’m just gonna go with it now).  I want to talk about my awesome Mother and the journey I took to realizing her awesomeness.

It all started back when I was little (and adorable or so I’ve heard) and my Mom thought I was an amazing kid.

Age 0-10: I’m cute, I’m talkative, I’m her biggest fan, I’m happy all the time, and I’m fun!  My Mom and I get along swimmingly.

Age 10-18: I’m obnoxious, I’m talkative, I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m going through puberty, I’m a crazy person, I’m mean and say things like “I hate you!” to my Mother.  My Sister and I fight constantly, leaving our little Brother to complement running away from home.  We are awful teenage girls and it’s a wonder we all survived! Ok, I am being a bit dramatic, but at this point in time my relationship with my Mother reaches an all-time low. (Yes, it all started back in 4th grade believe it or not!)

Age 18-22: I’m selfish, I’m talkative, I’m finding my way as a student and an artist.  I’m getting my heart broken and making bad decisions, and I’m making some good decisions.  Most importantly, my Mother and I are reaching a new level of understanding.  I’m excited for her to visit, I’m starting to listen to her advice, I’m becoming more aware of the world around me, and life is good.

Age 22-27:  I’m learning, I’m talkative, I’m trying new and exciting things, and I’m calling my Mom a lot!  I crave her advice and her words that always seem to make it better.  I look forward to every trip home to see family in Minnesota and North Dakota and can’t get enough of just hanging out with them.  My Mother is suddenly the smartest person I know and she’s continually right about everything!  Our relationship is thriving.

Age 28 or Present Day:  My Mother is helping me plan my wedding to the Scottish and it’s one of the best years of my life.  We are in sync, we are inspired, we are happy, we are laughing, we are making smart decisions, and we are enjoying every single minute!

This is a pretty crazy time for my family with TWO weddings planned for 2013.  If you don’t know me in real face-to-face life, or you’ve never visited my wedding blog, Journey to “i do” then this might be news for you, but my little Sister got engaged over Memorial Day weekend and is getting married next June, which is almost exactly 3 months and one week after my wedding.  Sounds stressful doesn’t it?  Not for my Mom. Everyone who comes up to her with condolences about the fact that she must be SO busy or SO tired or SO overwhelmed gets the same response, “Oh I’m thrilled!” she says.  And she means it too. My Mom couldn’t be more excited or happy for us, our weddings, and our future husbands.  She is having the time of her life!

And it’s her positive attitude that has gotten me through some low moments of not wanting to share the year ahead and some sad moments of missing out on things because I can only get back to Minnesota so many times.  The truth is, I’m overjoyed and excited too!  My Sister and I get to plan our weddings simultaneously and it’s a huge blessing that I will cherish forever!

So there you have it, an Ode to my Mother.  The best woman I know, the most patient wedding planner EVER, the drier of tears and the giver of smiles.  Mom, I wouldn’t be where I am today without your love and support.  I’m the luckiest girl alive and we’re gonna have one hell of a year.  Cheers!

Quote: “I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me.  They have clung to me all my life.”  Abraham Lincoln

You too can be a guy-magnet/When in doubt put on your heels

12 Jun

NOTE: I realize this post is going to sound very heterosexual and specific, but that is only because I am limited to my experiences in FAILING as a guy-magnet, and because at one point I was attempting to attract men, but I’d like to recognize that some women might be looking for another women, and in that case would want to be a chick-magnet which is perfectly OK but not something I have the ability to speak on.

A lot of times I end up writing about people (mostly myself) in relationships, but what if you’re not in a relationship but you’d like to be?  Specifically speaking, how does a woman attract a new guy?  Well, I wouldn’t know. Seriously, I was single more years than I was in a relationship in the past decade since graduating high school, and I consider it a mixture of timing, luck, and fate that led me to the Scottish.  BUT I do have a friend who I consider to be a guy-magnet.  We’ll call her “High Heels” or HH for short.  Cause she is kinda short.  And she can rock a pair of heels all day long! I love this girl and have always found it amazing how she meets great new guys to date while I stayed single.  And it’s not like she dates any random loser that she meets, but instead HH has met mostly great guys and has had a few long, serious relationships.  The fascinating thing is that every time she attempts to be single, she fails.  She’s always meeting someone new!  This is why I’ve deemed her a guy-magnet.

The question then becomes: HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

Well as I’ve been studying her for years, (especially at times when I’ve been single), and I’ve been able to narrow it down to a few key points.

Step ONE: Lose the timeline.  You want to be married by X age?  Forget it. You want kids in X amount of years?  Drop it.  You want a house, a car, a pony, a boat like yesterday?  Stop caring.  Live life simply and day by day.  Throw all specific timelines in the trash.  HH doesn’t have a set schedule to follow in her life, rather she has goals that allow for the perfect amount of wiggle room.

Step TWO: Possess a sense of mystery.

Don’t share everything all at once, or as I like to call it, “word vomit” all over a guy.  Listen, share a little bit, and then listen again.  Don’t dismiss them when they talk even though they might sound stupid.  And don’t be as judgmental as me.  HH is not overly confident or too chatty and she doesn’t share everything all at once.

Step THREE: Talk to all different types of people, not just the only guy you find cute in the room.  If you only talk to the one guy you think is somewhat attractive you’re limiting yourself to one type.  The mediocre guy in the room might be really cute once you get to know them, and if not, they might have cuter friends.  HH gives everyone a chance, she doesn’t spend too much time judging, and she finds the good in everyone.

Step FOUR: Loudly pronounce your goal of being single for a while so the universe can hear you and locate the next man for you to date.  It’s almost as if when HH would say, “I want to be single for a while,” something was triggered in the world that made it untrue in matter of days.  But you have to be a good liar believe it for this one to work.

Step FIVE:  Look pretty.

Being a guy magnet requires some effort in the world of make-up, hair, clothing, and style.  Guys like it when women look like they take care of themselves.  HH takes care of herself, and of course she’s always rocking a pair of sexy heels.  I would like to take this time to point out that I think I’ve been doing Step FIVE since I was 13 years old, but when you don’t pair it with the other steps, you’re not gonna attract as many winners!

Step SIX: Be happy.  For real.  One of the things that attracts people to you the most (in a romantic sense or not) is happiness.  I’m not talking about the happiness that comes from a shopping high (although who DOESN’T love those!), but rather happiness in yourself.  One way to achieve this is by living your life in a way that makes you happy, in which you accept and respect yourself, including both the good and the not so good parts.  HH has a natural contentment flowing through her and that is attractive to others.

AND NOW FOR A SPECIAL TREAT!!  After asking HH to revise the steps inspired by her awesomeness, she had some extra advice about what to do once you meet someone new.  I think it makes total sense, so listen well.  :)
HH Says: So someone’s engaged you in conversation…now what?  Relax.  That’s it.  Making a new connection can be very exciting, but that can tend to translate outwardly as desperation, over-eagerness, or nervousness.  Be relaxed and be engaged by transmitting that energy through your eyes and facial expressions only, you can mentally lower your shoulders and you give yourself the head space to really pay attention to the other person.  When you are relaxed, your date will relax as well, and not only will he really appreciate that about you, but you’re much more likely to have a fun conversation.  Ask them follow-up questions it will give you more time to think about what you want to say next, and avoid a lot of impression-ruining faux pas.
He wants to set up a date.  WOO.  Go you!  You obviously rock at this.  Now what?  Don’t be 100% available.  Chances are, if you are living a fullfilling life, you have friends and family and plans already made a few days in advance (or weeks in advance if you’re the ever-popular Stephanie, wink wink).  Don’t cancel those plans.  Something I almost always fall back on is to say I’m not available on the day requested (whether it’s true or not), but then offer another day.  This shows that I have a life, that I’m not desperate enough to drop it for a chance to go out with him, but by offering another time, I show that I’m interested.  Guys like a little bit of a chase, and, not gonna, lie, so do I.  A  guy who is available to me 24/7 is not nearly as attractive as one who is available 50% of the time.
Thanks HH!  You rock for helping me write this post, and kudos to you for being the first guest blogger on Drama Happens!!  :)

So ladies, if you are single and looking, take this info and fly away!!  And if this post doesn’t apply to you at all, well then pass it on to someone who will find it helpful.  And if anyone has any other guy-magnet tips, comment here!!

Quote: “I don’t where to find a good guy.  I just think that they’re around and I think you have to be good and at some point you’ll attract that.  I really believe that.  First, people should stop looking.  The looking thing does not work.  Just let love find you.”  Brandy Norwood

Are you in a bi-facial relationship?

3 Jun

No that is not a typo, I would like to discuss bi-FACIAL relationships, not bi-RACIAL relationships.  I have nothing against bi-racial relationships, the topic of facial relationships is altogether much more amusing.  I did not coin this phrase, nor do I know how long it’s been around.  I first heard it on the radio while listening to my favorite Chicago morning radio-show hosts, Eric and Kathy on The Mix.  They introduced the idea of a bi-facial relationship to me explaining that it’s what you label a couple in which one person’s face is MUCH more attractive than the other person’s face.  Say you have a woman who is a 10, and her partner is a 3, that would be considered bi-facial.  But a couple who are both 6’s would be considered to be of the same attractiveness and therefore wouldn’t warrant any funny label.

The radio-show hosts were asking people to call in who thought they were part of a bi-facial relationship.  They specifically asked for the person with the HIGHER number to call in, and every single caller that I heard while listening was a woman!  Frankly, I’m not so shocked.  Women as a gender are considerably more attractive in my humble opinion.  I see more women in ads trying to sell things, and I can recognize that the curves and shape of a woman is sometimes more pleasing than that of a man.  Personally, I can usually find something attractive about every woman I see, but on the other hand, I’m really picky about the men I find attractive and tend to judge them more harshly.

I can totally picture a really hot woman with a mediocre man, but don’t really like to picture it the other way around!  I blame society (cause why not)!  Aren’t women expected to be more attractive? Do we secretly like it that way?  I have no answers, only questions.  While this whole idea makes me laugh, I know there is nothing funny about body image issues and I KNOW that we all have them.  We all act as our own worst critic, and that can be downright exhausting.

Back to the fun stuff… are you curious to know how more about my personal facial relationship?  Oh good, me too!  First off let me say I think the Scottish is dreamy.  He has an adorable face, and I would NOT consider us to be part of the bi-facial crowd, but I am a tad biased of course.  After hearing the radio show I did ask the Scottish to rate my face (asking for disaster I know!) and he gave me a 8.5, which I agree with for the most part!  (Please refrain from commenting, I’m a fragile artist type.)  The Scottish gave himself a mid-range number and I raised it to a 7 because well, he’s way sexier than he gives himself credit for!  We are comfortable with this arrangement and consider both of our faces to be just right for us.  :)

WARNING:  Do not try this at home!  Do not ask your significant other how they would rate the attractiveness of your face if you don’t want to hear the answer! Things could get ugly (hehe).  The Scottish and I have a very candid and open relationship.  We discuss a lot of things lightly and with humor so for us this was FUNNY.  Do not compare your faces if you don’t think it will be FUNNY, or if you think you will have the lower number.  Duh.

The other fascinating thing about the radio conversation with all the women callers was that their men’s ratings when down the longer they sat on hold.  Multiple women said, I was gonna give him a 4, but I just decided he’s a 3.  What??  Either they were being nice with the first number or they wanted to widen the gap to add some drama, either way it was hilarious.  One woman said she was 8 and I believe she gave her husband a 2.5.  When asked why so low, she said, “Well his obesity has a lot to do with it.”  Umm, yea, you think?

So I was looking for an example of a bi-facial relationship on the good ol’ internet.  Let me just say that you should never under any circumstances type in the words ugly man into a search engine. It is not pleasant!! I’m still sort of gagging.  But we need an example!

Here is a picture of a famous couple, or at least I think they are famous (I don’t follow celebs besides the Kardashians and the families on TLC).   Do you see the bi-facialness?

photo found at Unfinished Man

Quote: “One must love humanity in order to reach out into the unique essence of each individual: no one can be too low or too ugly.” Georg Buchner

I gave relationship advice to my hair stylist

26 May

There is a first for everything!  And this past Wednesday my hair stylist asked for relationship advice after I told her I write a blog about relationships.

Hmm, let’s take a moment to look at my qualifications, shall we?

I am currently IN a relationship.  It is going well, I would even call it a successful relationship.  We are betrothed.

I have been in other relationships.  I have been in 2.5 other relationships that I would deem serious.  I learned many things from these past relationships.

I have casually dated.  I can’t get into how “causal” as my mother reads this blog, but casual nonetheless.  So I’m hip to how dating works these days.  And yes, I use the phrase “I’m hip to” sometimes.

I have lots of friends in relationships, and people tell me things.  I’ve heard many stories in my 28 over the years, and I have remembered them.  As my BFF says, people just like to spill their guts to me.  I like this.

I am a people-person.  I might hate small talk, but I’m a great listener if you want to talk about something real.

I find all different types of relationships interesting and strive to learn more about them, e.g.,  same-sex relationships, open relationships, plural marriage relationships, abusive relationships, opposites-attract relationships, bizarre relationships, indifferent relationships, you get the idea.  I also blog about them.

My instincts are good.  I can tell a good match from 20 miles away.

Let’s look at the reasons why I may not be qualified to give relationship advice:

I am in no way certified to give advice of any kind.

I’ve never even taken the most basic of psychology courses.

My experience with counseling is limited to personal experiences with friends and family.  I am an amateur and no one has ever paid me for  my advice/time.

Based on all of this I have determined that I am qualified enough to give the random Joe or Jane advice if they deem me worthy enough to inquire of it.

Don’t I look trust-worthy?

Here’s how it all went down… This past Wednesday I needed to get a haircut, so I ventured off to some place within walking distance of our apartment.  I found this very eclectic and hipster looking salon and walked in to ask for a trim.  I was paired with a hairstylist, (we’ll call her Jessica) and she gave me a really nice cut!

During our time together, she asked about my life, and I gave her the quick run-down, I’m a nanny, degree in acting, getting married, I’m a blogger, etc.  She asks me, “What do you blog about?”  I say, “Relationships and my wedding.”

She says, “Oh,” and launches into a story about her relationship. She said since I write about this stuff that she felt comfortable telling me.  Wow, cool!  I was flattered.  I did my best to just listen and only gave my thoughts when prompted.  She seemed pretty open and since I’m not revealing her name or her salon, I’ll share a bit of what is going on with her.  Maybe someone reading out there is going through the same thing?

The Relationship Hurdle:  She and her boyfriend live together with another random male roommate. They met as roommates and became close friends, but started dating officially this past September.  They have been talking about moving in together, but every time it’s brought up, he has something negative or self-deprecating to say.  For example, when they were out to dinner and the topic of moving came up, his first reaction was that they needed a game plan in case they were to break up after moving in together.  He also asked her “What if you hurt me?” and told her he didn’t want to go through all that.  He’s also suggested they find a new third roommate and so they can stay in their current place.  Jessica told me she took this personally thinking he doesn’t want to live with just her.  Is this a hint that he’s not as interested in her?  Or is he simply afraid of commitment and getting hurt?

Drama Happens says:  My first question to Jessica was, have you talked to him about all this?  The answer was no.  She just lets the comments slide by and keeps her worries to herself.  I’m convinced NOT communicating is the best way to end any relationship (intimate ones or friendships) and so I told her the first step is to talk to him and get down to the bottom of what he thinks about moving in together.  The good news is they are not under any time crunch because they have a month-to-month lease (those are golden in a big city).

My next response was that she should be cautious.  While my gut is telling me “he’s just not that into her” and doesn’t want to increase their level of commitment, I don’t feel comfortable saying that flat-out after one conversation.  It could be a fear of getting hurt, or those comments could be excuses to avoid taking the next step.  My advice is to talk first, and don’t rush into anything.  He seems unsure of their relationship at this point, and until they are on the same page, I wouldn’t move one single box.

So there you have it, my first advice column so-to-speak.  Who would have thought it would come from a random hairstylist (who is really good at what she does btw)!

Any other questions out there?   Until next time readers!

Quote: “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”  Erica Jong

Please pass the patience

22 May

My back has been hurting lately.  If you don’t know why this is particularly frustrating for me, I suggest you read THIS, and everything will become clear.

I’m just feeling a little low right now. There are so many wonderful things in my life, but sometimes I get stuck when one or two aspects are bad. I have been working out a lot recently, like, a lot a lot.  Because you know, I’m getting married.  And all this working out is making me feel good!   Despite the good reports it gets, I’ve never been a fan of burning the ol’ calories, but I’m shocked to repot I am happy after I workout now and I’m even starting to looking forward to it.  GASP!  If you’ll remember, this all started because I said I was going to workout more so I could eat more what I wanted when I wanted.  Well, since I’ve been working out more frequently, my back has been bothering me.  And frankly, that just sucks.  I wish there was a more eloquent way to put it, but sadly, there’s not.

It’s really bad in the mornings.  Like I have trouble moving and showering and getting out of bed.  Just like last year. I think it has something to do with stillness and my back getting all tight and sore while I sleep, but who really knows? The Scottish has suggested I cut down on the working out, to which I responded, “Do you want me to be a fat bride?” My mother has suggested I see a doctor, to which I responded, “Not until I’m married with better insurance! You know I can’t afford to go see someone right now!”

Of course they’re right.  Of course I’m just mad. I’ve decided to give it a week and then I might make an appointment to see my old pal long-haired-witty-surgeon-friend. The thing is, the pain is NOT entirely like it was last year, it’s manageable for one, and two, it’s not killing my nerve causing me to lose feeling in my left leg. It’s more like a sharp pinching discomfort located where (I’m speculating) my herniated disk is… I know that someday I might need to get my disks fused together, and that I’m sort of destined to have back issues my whole life.  But the one thing I was supposed to work was strengthening my core and that’s what I was doing by working out!!  Insert catch 22 HERE.

I guess the only other option is to move south, buy a house with a swimming pool and do water aerobics for the rest of my life. (Swimming is ideal for my situation).  Sigh, or I need to be patient and listen to my body (and the smart people in my life).

Switching topics, that’s not the only low spot in my life. I don’t really like to talk about what I’m about to talk about. Truth is, I feel ashamed. I feel like a phony. But I know you are all real people too. You have good and you have bad. So I’m going to share some of my bad with you. I call myself actor, I am trained as an actor, but I haven’t been on stage since Feb. 2010. Ouch.

I was supposed to be on stage in 2011 but due to back surgery I was forced to quit the show I was working on, and I haven’t been cast in something since.   When I started this blog, I talked about finding my new creative outlet (writing!), and luckily I have been able to find new ways of fulfilling myself as an artist since quitting that show last year.

I have filmed a short movie directed and written by a friend of mine that was submitted and shown at the Oak Park Film Festival (among other festivals), I had an unpaid job doing transcription work for the wonderful Chicago-based theatre company ATC, and I’ve started (and still maintain) TWO separate blogs. Oh and I just started planning a wedding– which is definitely artistic in its own way! Not.too.shabby.

Good news is I have a few auditions on the horizon and that feels good.  The thing is, I just don’t find many shows that I can audition for because I’m traveling so much this year.  And the ones I do find are looking for men, or Latinas, or something totally and completely random!

Example of a fake audition notice:  We are looking for someone who can juggle and ride a unicycle while singing and playing piano, who speaks German with an Italian accent, who looks 20 but can play 40, who can dance 3 different types of salsa, and is trained in movement and stage combat.  WHAAA???

My fake response: “Umm I sing… a little bit,  and I’m trained in stage combat, I’ve worked on many different movement-based shows, but yea, I guess I’ll have to get back to you once I learn German and graduate from CLOWN SCHOOL.”  It’s brutal out there.  I know I’m exaggerating a bit, but I truly WISH I was kidding.  Everyone is looking for something so specific.  Sometimes I don’t feel like there’s a place for me in this new world of theatre.  Perhaps I’m too ordinary.

I could write a whole blog about being an artist and all the cons that come along with it, but truth is I wouldn’t change my life for a second. I knew I was going to be an actor since I was in 5th grade, and a few years away from the stage means nothing in lifetime of art.  But I’m lacking the patience to wait. I’m losing inspiration and hope, and just feeling lousy about the whole thing. But this is common.  This is common for artists and others. You can’t be in the right place at the right time constantly or else there’d be no journey! Plus, you can’t possibly appreciate it if you don’t know life without it.

So for now, I’m going to work on toning my arms, because thankfully they’re just flabby fine. And I’m going to keep searching for auditions that fit into my crazy-busy schedule. And I’m going to smile and count my blessings because the beauty of life is that it keeps moving. And change will come and opportunities will present themselves.

A “journey”

Here’s hoping you have not only the drive but also the patience to achieve all of your dreams!!

Quote: “Success seems to be connected with action.  Successful people keep moving.  They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”  Conrad Hilton

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